Don't Give Up.

I had this weird insecure and very close to self-loathing moment while grabbing a quick bite to eat with Matao tonight.  I don't always have the best answer to "what have you been up to?", although it generally depends on who is asking.  "Oh you know... making jam, getting excited about the huge quilt I'm planning in my head, singing to my plants, and spending a lot of time reading other peoples blogs."  Just the usual.  It can be hard telling people about my life when I've been at the same job for two years, I'm not actively running a small business, and I'm not in school.  The thing is- I am pretty damn content and satisfied with my life right now- but it's not always incredibly thrilling to talk about.  I get excited about the smallest, funniest things most days.  I am also usually so worn out by the end of my work day that coming home and baking cookies while watching re-runs of This American Life on Netflix is exciting.  And I really shouldn't feel like I have to justify that to anyone.  Not even myself.  I have never been the kind of person to be defined by my job or whether or not I'm going to school.  For me- my job is my means of survival.  I can pay my bills, I have health insurance, I have room to grow, and at the end of the day I don't feel like shit about what I'm doing.  I like what I do and I like the simplicity that comes from being able to walk out the door at 5pm and be done for the day.  And I will go back to school, and I will make plans to travel, and I will have a small business going again- but right now isn't the time for me to do all of that.  There are trade-offs for all big things in life, and at this moment I am working my way towards having my life be just the way that I want it.  Every single day is a project, and every single day I gain something.  Even on the days where the most exciting thing I do is laundry.

It's what's working for me.

♥ R.