March 1st.

I'm not actually stuck in my apartment, but it definitely feels that way.

It's raining right now, but it's the kind of rain that I really love... Well, I would if it were 15 degrees warmer. So instead it's the kind of rain that I really love- when I'm inside. I'm holed up in my bedroom right now- eating a smoothie, with four blankets and five pillows on my bed, and the heat cranked up to 75. Mostly just because I can.

I end up in the strangest moods when I get to leave my life for a few days and then have to come back. Matt and I went down to Portland on Thursday morning and came back Saturday. I used to be mostly indifferent about Portland, but within the past year or so I've started to really love it. We had a really good weekend, and it was the first time in a very long time that I've been able to allow myself not to worry about money or my job or anything else. We did what we wanted to when we wanted to and that was exactly what I needed.

Coming home was fine, and I feel alright about getting settled back into my routine. I'm back at work tomorrow, and I was going to make food for the week tonight, but as previously stated- I'm sort of hiding from the weather right now. The grocery store is only about six blocks away, but my bed is even closer than that.

I just get this weird urge sometimes- usually when I'm not completely happy with my life and get to have a little dose of something else- where I want to start re-arranging and changing all sorts of things.

Right now I'm having serious house lust, and am on this quest to find a two bedroom house in Seattle with a yard and a porch for under $1,500. HA HA. Yeah, right. And this huge, huge part of me just wants to uproot my whole life and move down to Oregon, just to see how things go. But it'll be a little while... and even then- my life these days is here. I'm just at a place right now where I feel like a lot needs to change. So, one day at a time it will. And maybe in another two years I can look back at right now and realize then that I am exactly where I wanted to be right now.

That seems to be the pattern of my life.